Prehistoric Halter Tops

I’ve had the flu the past two weeks, and when I went looking for something to cheer me up, I found a great quote:

“You can observe a lot by watching.”

~Yogi Berra

That Yogi, he was one smart cookie. So, I decided to pay attention, make an effort to see and learn from what was right in front of me. I discovered that many seemingly small things can pack on the calories bring great joy. Could have been the fever. Whatever.

After days of Thin Mints bed rest, I got up and noticed my teeth were black started looking at old family photos. I opened our oldest photo album because no one else wants to I am working on the family genealogy. The discoveries are amazing. The room seemed awfully warm, and some pictures were a little blurry, but once I stopped falling over I started to see what is truly important, and, that happiness is when:

1. You and your cat are color coordinated.

2. You realize you come from good stock, good genes, that the ancestors were au courant fashionistas. It’s pretty cool knowing my grandma and her sisters were obviously responsible for what we now know as halter tops, that likely, great grandma–their mother Orah Myrtle–invented the lawn chair.

Check it out:

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3. When you whip the flu with a speedy recovery.

I read on the internet* that gargling helps a sore throat. Coconut oil didn’t work so I am guessing they meant mouthwash. I also read that when you have the flu, lying down is beneficial. I opted for the speedy route, when you combine several help-aids in one. So, yesterday I put one thermometer in my right ear and one in my left nostril and tried gargling while lying down. I’m not altogether sure my husband was convinced when he walked in and witnessed his eye-crossed, Listerine-spouting wife flailing on the bed, but, it was worth a try. He glanced at the phone on his way out. He mumbled something about delusions, says I tried to trip him. Whatever.

4. You realize grandma’s glasses would make excellent safety glasses. I’ve been looking for some protective wear for when I want to scare the neighbors am gardening. Notice the fashion-forward “diamonds” poised in the faddy, cat-eye-esque frames. Grandma rocked! The frames were so tight I started to see stars, but I’m sure that had nothing to do with my observation. My temp is down now: 101.6.

5. You realize you can improve your health with V1. The drive-through V8 store is not yet open in my town (after my incessant a few inquiries to the city authorities. I know! What’s up with THAT?) This required a bit of quick thinking. I researched* the origin of the closest vegetable at hand, because I’m all about health, and it’s my personal health policy to keep as many vegetables as possible nearby at all times. Did you know that chocolate is made from FERMENTED CACAO SEEDS?  IT’S A VEGETABLE! Or a fruit! WHO CARES?

My health regimen: V1. It’s on the Internet.

I feel better already. Thanks, Yogi.

*Far be it from me to slack on the research. If it’s on the Internet, it has to be true.